Getting to know Her
Think: I'll never understand why foreigners become engaged to a Filipina that they have not taken the time to get to know. Its a long and costly long distance affair and your investment will be thousands of dollars before you are done, and the immigration laws of many countries will make for a long road ahead. You'll also most likely be supporting her the whole time she is waiting for her Visa. Did you ask someone in your own country to marry you before you knew her very well? Did you support the family of your fiancée in your country? Foreigners even buy homes for the families of Filipinas here. If you are that generous, why not stay home and find a gold-digger in your own country? Don't try to buy her love! Helping out is one thing but providing her and her family with a lavish lifestyle is a serious mistake. Read our page on demographics to get an idea of what kind of money the majority live on here. You want a partner for life that will place you at the top of her priorities. If her family is her top priority you need to step back and think about the life you will have with her. Before making a real commitment, you need to come here and meet her and her family. You can find a girl who will love you for who you are, but it will take time and effort on your part. There are too many real horror stories out there and that is what happens when you marry someone without truly knowing them and their feelings towards you. Don't become a victim! Of course we all want a young beautiful girl as our wife. It a treacherous search though. Find someone who is suitable intellectually and is proud of her husband to be. Don't be a fool and don't be in such a rush! There are plenty of girls here for all those seeking a foreign bride.
Postal Mail: This is a tough way of communicating with someone here. Our utility bills are delivered by courier, not the post office. If you can't handle modern means of communications come over here to meet someone. These girls are not stupid and if you are out of a different century they could eat you (and your wallet) alive. I have used the post office system to receive low value packages from America when I am not in a hurry. I have the package sent to a post office where we know the people. I have to go check and see if it is here as they don't even have a phone. If you are serious about wanting a Filipina partner, take some computer classes or solicit help. This country is awash in internet cafes that charge 30 to 50 cents an hour. Using Yahoo you can see and talk to your potential partner and really get to know much more about her before ever coming here to meet her.
Email: It is a good way to keep in touch but you'll never get to know her, nor will you even be sure she is the one answering. Use email as a supplement to internet chat services.
Internet Chat Services: I asked my son and his fiancée one day if it was possible to fall in love with someone over the internet. You see my son met his soon to be wife over the internet (they both lived in America and live together now). I got in unison, a resounding 'yes'.
What it takes is for you to spend the time to really get to know her. This country is full of internet cafes, most with video and headsets. Internet cafes charge from thirty cents an hour and up. Most of the connections are terrible though. I think our DSL at home has the same capacity as what an internet cafe with 20 seats would have.
The advantage of spending much time on line with her is that you will get to see her expressions, will get to ask her questions in real time, and you will get a real time response. You will also start to get an idea of her English communication skills. Look, if you can't communicate, you have a major problem.
Most of the cafes will use Yahoo Messenger, so if you are not familiar with it, download it, get a user name, and learn it. Don't expect her to have a PC or a landline to connect it to. Don't expect her to be super computer proficient either, except with Yahoo. This is a skill they learn in the cafes.
Help Her: Even though 30 cents an hour is nothing to you she probably doesn't have many hours of money she can use on you. Send her $10 and she can spend many hours with you. You can send the money by Western Union which has offices everywhere here. Do the math, $10 buys many hours of time. If she speaks to you for an hour or two and says she needs more money, get rid of her. She is either using it for other things or using it to talk to others on the internet. Don't let on that you know how much it costs her per hour. We can verify the cafe's charges for you (hopefully by phone) and for free if we can do it by phone or if it is a cafe we are likely to pass by. We are always in and around Cebu City and the metro area. We know the area well and will go out of our way within reason for free. (I like driving on this insane road system with no one following any rules).
Chikka: Cell phones rule in this country and everyone texts each other obsessively. It is cheap to send a text message. Go to www.chikka.com and you can download their free text messenger program for free. You can also than load her phone, so that you can text back and forth at will. It will cost her just over 2 pesos (1 cent) to send you a text message. Your messages to her cost nothing. With Chikka you can send her phones loads of 99 cents, $5, or $11. The smaller amount is about 100 text messages. See how many she sends you after sending her a small load. Like any amount you send her for the internet, if she doesn't use it on you, quit while you're ahead.
Come Here: I would kind of advise not visiting the many KTV bars in search of a partner for life. These girls are professionals. This is how they make their living, and although you may find one that you really want, can you live with her past? The KTV bars are full of foreigners wasting their money for a good time. There are many girls here who are looking for you. In the KTV bars they are looking for your dollars. If you were ever in the armed forces (30 years ago?) you will quickly realize that these bars are still the same. It is one of the most successful business operations ever devised. No need to change anything. Walk into one and it will be like walking into the past.
Girls Everywhere: Walk the malls, walk the streets. Talk to the girls. Don't sit in Bo's Coffee (or other coffee houses) waiting for one to approach you as the ones who approach you are the ones to avoid. Foreigners sitting in these places try to wave my wife over to join them all the time. You don't want to be on the receiving end of her reply to them. It may be easy to find a girl here, but they do have pride and they like the man to be a man. Don't sit and wait. Approach her nicely and be nice. Make eye contact. You are probably real rusty in the dating game but it really hasn't changed and these girls are no different than any others. I spend much time with my wife in the malls and girls everywhere are always asking my wife about me. They are envious of her as she is the one doing the shopping and they are waiting on her earning their $4 a day for being a sales clerk. They don't have the money to spend in the stores they work in. They dream of a better life and they see how I interact with my wife.
Propositioned? I get propositioned in the malls whenever my wife is
not close by and sometimes with my wife at my side. The latest one was when my
wife stopped in a store and I stayed out of it looking down and listening to
someone playing a guitar at a music store display on a lower level (most malls
are multistory). I'm leaning on the rail watching and a girl comes to my side.
She says, "you like girls, you like me, you want sex?". I pointed to my wedding
band and than to my wife and she vanished instantly. Another day my wife and I
were walking (with our arms around each other) and a girl approached us waving
at me. She almost walked into me before veering off. She got that close. This
girl obviously wanted what my wife had and these girls can be very bold, but
these are not the girls I would want if I were you. If she is too quick to say
yes, you should say no thanks. If you read about others telling my wife she
needed to share her blessings with them you'll also realize that many of these
girls will do anything to take her 'blessings' from her. As I said earlier, a
real woman will want you to be a real man. Don't let the rejection of one (or
many) discourage you. She is after all, probably young enough to be your
daughter (or grand daughter). Don't let it affect you, for there is a girl out
there for you and she is here. Many don't want an older guy. Than again many do
for many reasons. They see us as being more stable, more faithful, and better
providers. I personally would not trade my wife for any other woman. That is the
kind of relationship you can have with a Filipina. She is that good to me and
for me. My wife fears me having mistresses. Many Filipinas don't mind being a
mistress. It seems to very common for Filipinos to have mistresses. I will tell
you only that this is the best way to destroy a wonderful spousal relationship.
