The Filipina and What to Expect of Her
Understanding
the Filipina: Most of the comments we will make deal
with the vast majority of Filipinas, the ones that we would consider very poor
and living a life that you would not envy. The reason I tell you that it is
mostly the poor looking for foreigners is because those with money are with
someone closer to their own age, just like in America, and living a good life.
They don't need you for anything. They have a satisfying and fulfilling life.
There are exceptions to everything, but in general I think you will find our
statement true. Many Filipinas grow up dreaming of having a foreigner for a
husband as you can provide her with a life of opportunity. Most would also like
to relocate to your country as they have no hope for their own country of the
Philippines.
Who's Naive? Us foreigners tend to look at most Filipinas as naive. I think that many foreigners think the Filipina will make a great subservient wife, obeying his every command, when in fact, he is the one who is naive. These girls are neither naive nor stupid, nor are they subservient.
What to Expect from Your Filipina: Are you marrying her to be a housewife or a working partner? I suggest that you sit back and understand that she grew up in a culture much different than yours. She probably will become the best at everything eventually, but much of what an American girl was taught by her mother at an early age does not exist with a Filipina. All I am trying to do is to give you an indication as to what to expect and what not to expect. As I've said many times, it is most likely not the middle class Filipina that you have found as your future spouse. She most likely grew up just surviving, like so many do. They see their life as alright if they have a working father who actually supports the family. It is just most likely at a level that you could not imagine. Doing OK here and doing OK in America or elsewhere are light years apart. Thinking you can bring her home and instantly have the world's best housewife is a stretch of the imagination. Most likely the home she grew up in is what we would refer to as a 'shack'. When you have no windows, weaved walls of plant material, a concrete floor (if you're lucky), no running water, and a minimal amount of space, you don't exactly develop housewife skills. Many have no clue what a vacuum cleaner is and the cleaning implement of choice is this three foot long broom. I think they sell them in Cracker Barrel as a home decorating item. We bought a vacuum cleaner. I don't think my wife had ever seen one before or knew they existed. We also have an automatic washer and dryer, microwave, and such things. All of these devices were new to my wife and she didn't live out in the jungle. She was exposed to a big city and worked in a big city. Now if your Filipina was from the Philippine middle class, she is used to having a domestic helper (maid). Many of the not so well off have maids too who may be a relative that has even less and performs the maid duties just for room and board. Cooking skills? The diet of typical Filipinos does not result in great culinary skills. Dried fish, rice, and a few veggies does not promote great cooking skills. If you live here with your Filipina do yourself a favor and just get a few maids as she is now married to a 'rich' foreigner and it is expected. I doubt that you will have maids if you bring her to your country. She will learn about your culture over time and I guess the best teachers will be other wives. Just assume that everything is foreign to her once she is in your country. Everything we expect in a wife and her role in our life is going to be a learning process for her. Even the responsibilities of child rearing in your country will be much different than here. Her social skills will grow as she interacts with your friends and relatives, and this is why we encourage you to find a Filipina with decent English skills. If she cannot communicate she is going to feel lost in your country and she will not be happy. She is going to need time to adapt to the very hectic lifestyle that foreigners typically lead. There seems to be much idle time here. Much time for gossip, as if you are poor here there is not much else to do. She is going to need much time to adapt and so prepare to be patient. It will be a long journey. If you marry her to be your vision of the perfect woman (obedient and submissive to all your demands?) read the section directly below. Your Filipina may at first appear to be shy. She may appear to be shy to others because she feels uncomfortable around them. I don't know any shy Filipinas.
Woman in Control: The Philippines is for the most part a matriarchal society. That's right guys, the woman control much here. They are used to being in control so forget being her boss. The president of this country is a woman and she is not the first female president the Philippines has had. If you are looking for the subservient wife look in another country as you are in the wrong place. The woman tend to control the money of the household and it is a generally accepted concept that if the man has the money he will just get drunk, cheat on his wife, and in general be irresponsible. This is not my assessment, this is what Filipinas tell me. As she takes over your financial affairs consider that she is probably used to handling a few thousand pesos at a time, not weekly checks of several hundred to several thousand dollars. There are a tremendous number of small businesses here and the majority are controlled by the women. They are seen as the responsible ones and the woman are involved in every aspect of this society. This is not a male dominated society. Older foreign men are desirable to the Filipina as they see us as more faithful and much more responsible. We have also demonstrated the ability to provide for a family as we can travel and actually have purchasing power. These traits are lacking in many of the men here. I don't know if it is their fault or if they have just reached the conclusion that it doesn't matter. People live their life in poverty. I guess I'd get lazy and stay drunk too if I had no hope and I have been told many times by the people here that they have no hope. It is typical to have wakes in the home here. I was in a village one day and they were carrying out the deceased as the wake was over. Someone made the comment "No more problems". That is the attitude of all too many here.
Physical Attributes: Most Filipina girts are small and slender. My wife (at the top of this page) is under 5' tall and weighs a whopping 85 lbs., and I love every ounce of her. I don't love her just for her physical attributes though. She is highly intelligent and her English skills are great for a Filipina. In the malls such as SM and Ayala in Cebu City, you run in to more Filipinas who are actually overweight. Expect a Filipina to be between 4'6" and 5'6" with a weight of 80-115 lbs. They are typically very slim, with black hair and black eyes. It is interesting to note that some age very well and others look like they are pushing sixty by the time they are forty. A hard life does not make for graceful aging. Many Filipinas are stunningly beautiful, especially when they smile. You will find most very sexy, and few overweight as in western countries. I doubt you will find much to complain about as far as physical attraction goes with the vast majority of these girls. All woman look better if they have the modern tools, makeup, and the time to take care of their appearance. Help her to bring out her beauty by being generous to her and encouraging her. I see Filipinas with foreigners who obviously don't care as she is young and much more beautiful than their old ex-companions already. I want my wife looking great all the time. It makes me feel good too! Give a Filipina the encouragement and tools to shine and she will. Don't expect these girls to be experienced with all the skills of their wealthy western counterparts. They probably couldn't afford lipstick before. If she loves you she will want you to be proud of her and always look great for her husband. Nice clothes are really appreciated too. Don't be so damn cheap. Let her make a fashion statement to all those who thought they were better than her and your Filipina will shine with love and support. This is a culture that probably put her down before your arrival. Now help her flaunt her new found status with clothes, make up, and good treatment in public and private. Never be embarrassed thinking she's young enough to be your grand-daughter. If you love each other, you will get over that, I did. I'm now proud being with my wife and I don't care what anyone thinks. She tells me that other Filipinos don't consider the age difference at all. I don't buy that either. I think the men look at us with disgust in their hearts and the women envy the Filipina you are with.
Ethnic Origins: Filipinos descend from the Malay peoples of Malaysia and Indonesia, but many also have Chinese, Spanish or American ancestors and who knows whatever else. I guess DNA testing proves this. We have different traits based more on culture than on race. It is our ignorance that makes us look at each other differently.
Skin Color: This is nowhere near a colorblind society. This needs its own section and much discussion. This country is the most prejudiced country I have ever been in. Skin color ranges from white to very dark. If you are dark your social status is less. This country is sick in the treatment of its own people. Almost everyone wants to be white. Stores are full of skin whitening products, products the poor can not afford. Not only that, the poor most likely get more sun exposure as they are likely to spend more time outside in all activities. Don't worry about skin color here. Once your Filipina has a foreigner her social status goes up as she has money now, and money is the trump card. The Filipina will also have a whiter baby most likely and this is like a trophy. I think the darker skinned Filipinas make the best wives as they really appreciate much more what the foreigner brings to them in the way of social status. My wife is a brown girl and has never used skin whitening products. I am married to a girl who remains with what the Lord gave her as far as her skin color. I love her color and she gets darker when we spend days out in the ocean island hopping. I in no way put down the girls who use the skin whitening products as this society pushes them to use such products to have a chance at success, and its there choice anyway. They tend to use the word beautiful her to describe a 'white' women. This is a crock. I've seen some not so beautiful white women here. My wife is at the top right of this page. Color doesn't define beauty!
Temperament: I think as my time living with Filipina wife goes on her temperament changes. Most will tell you that a Filipina is shy. I say bull. They may at first appear shy, but it is mostly do to this culture where they are beaten down. Give them some space and encouragement and they will stand their ground with anyone. My wife has no problem dealing with foreigners who make passes at her. She quickly beats them down, as there is no shyness left in her and she does not feel she has to take bull from anyone. This society is cruel to their own people and I doubt that you found one of the Filipina girls from the upper classes. They seem to prefer to beat down those of less social status and want to keep them down. Once a Filipina has a foreigner (of any age) her social status immediately goes up and everyone here will take note of that fact. The fact of the matter is, she will probably have more money than them now, and that is the real determining factor for social status. I believe that if you treat your Filipina right, she will love you to death for a variety of reasons. I don't believe they marry us just for our looks and age. We do much to transform their lives and the right mix of ingredients will produce a long lasting loving relationship, assuming that you didn't jump blindly into teenager land and fall for someone who wants you for greenbacks. Treat her right and not like a servant, don't beat her down. She'll resent you if you do. Watch her grow into a self assured Filipina who will love you because she wants too, and not just for what you can or have done for her.
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